Staying unmarried in Islam: the harms of delaying nikah, according to Maulana Ashraf Ali Thanvi (Rahimahullah)

Why does the book call staying unmarried a loss?

On page 61, under the heading “The harms of staying unmarried”, Maulana Thanvi starts from an image. Nikah is like clothing, so living without it is a kind of exposure. He adds that for a man who is able to marry, staying single is something to be ashamed of, not a badge of honour.

The book is describing a person who has the need and the means. Where those are missing, the situation is different, and the same section discusses when marriage becomes a duty (see also our guide on whether nikah is fard or sunnah).

What goes wrong when a person who needs nikah avoids it?

Page 61 says that where the need is real, leaving nikah becomes the cause of many trials. The mind fills with whispers and worries that crowd out worship and inner calm. Some people give in to the pressure, and the author notes that others avoid people altogether to protect an outer reputation, only to slip in hidden ways, because a man’s name suffers once he is talked about.

He also describes people who avoid the act itself but go after what leads to it, such as flirting or touching, and he says this is a trial in its own right. We read the message as practical: unaddressed need does not disappear. It looks for an outlet, so the safest path is the lawful one.

Is it acceptable to delay nikah even when you can afford it?

Page 62 criticises two habits. Some people never marry, even though they need to and can afford to. Others marry once and, after the wife dies or is divorced, never marry again. The book’s ruling is simple: when both the need and the means are present, nikah becomes wajib or even fard.

This links to remarriage after divorce or loss and to widow remarriage in Islam, both of which touch the same theme: the door to a lawful, peaceful home should stay open.

What do the stories of marriage in old age teach?

Pages 62–64 collect several accounts that Maulana Thanvi uses to answer a common objection: “What is the point of marrying at an advanced age?”

• A man of ninety in Shahjahanpur (pp. 62–63). His grown children objected, saying they were there to look after him. He replied that they did not understand his interest. When he later fell ill with a condition that made him unbearable to others, his children and in-laws stayed away, but his new wife nursed him without disgust, washing and cleaning him again and again. He told them this was the day he had married for.
• A wealthy man with a severe skin illness (p. 63). Everyone stayed away from him except his wife, who served him cheerfully. The author says no other relationship offers this kind of care, because a wife attends her husband in a way that others, however close, cannot.
• Maulana Shah Fazl-ur-Rahman (Rahimahullah) (pp. 63–64). The book says he married at the age of a hundred after his first wife passed away, because of an illness that only a spouse could help with. She washed and cleaned for him many times a day, willingly.
• Haji Sahib (Rahimahullah) (p. 64). He married late because his wife had lost her sight. The new wife served both of them. From such cases, the author concludes that a wife is not only for desire, and that nikah carries many other benefits and wisdoms.

We read these accounts as lessons in companionship and care, not as a ruling about any age. They remind families that the wife is a friend and helper, a theme also found in the value of a wife in Islam.

Is giving up marriage a form of worship?

On page 64, under “Warning for not marrying”, the book mentions a hadith which says, in meaning, that whoever, despite the desire, abandons marriage is not following our way. The author explains that this way of thinking belongs to the monks of other religions, who treat leaving marriage as a means to reach Allah.

He adds that some people regard staying unmarried as worship and nearness, and he calls this belief monasticism and an innovation in religion. His argument is simple: the act that the Shariah itself commands is nikah, so leaving it cannot be turned into worship.

What can a family do with this advice today?

1. 1
   Ask honestly why marriage is being delayed. Study, savings and a sister’s wedding are fair reasons for a season. Fear, pride or habit are not.
2. 2
   Do not make the list of conditions so long that it never ends. A rishta that is sincere and sound is better than an imaginary perfect one.
3. 3
   Leave the door open after loss or divorce. Remarrying is a normal, valued path in Islam.
4. 4
   Judge a spouse by companionship, not display. The stories above are about care when life is hardest.
5. 5
   Involve the wali and trusted elders early, so that no one carries the decision alone.

If your family is ready, wali-supported matchmaking on Nikkup lets parents and guardians join the process from the start. It is always free for women, and you can get the Android app or read about the halal rishta app in Pakistan.

For more from the same book, see the purpose of nikah and how mahr works in Islam.

Frequently asked questions

Does Maulana Thanvi say everyone must marry? He says that when both need and means are present, nikah becomes wajib or fard (p. 62). Where they are missing, the situation differs, so ask a scholar about your case.

Why does he give stories of old-age marriages? To show that a wife is a companion and nurse as well as a source of comfort, which answers people who say marrying late is pointless (pp. 62–64).

Where can I read this? In Islami Shadi by Maulana Ashraf Ali Thanvi (Rahimahullah), compiled by Muhammad Zaid Mazahiri Nadvi, Bab 1, pp. 61–64. This is a summary, not a fatwa.