The value of a wife in Islam: what Maulana Ashraf Ali Thanvi (Rahimahullah) taught about appreciating her

Why is a wife called the deepest friend?

Under the heading “The wife is the deepest friend” (p. 72), the book makes an observation from ordinary life. In poverty and trouble, friends drift away, and even relatives can grow weary. A wife, by contrast, stays with her husband in every condition.

The same page notes that in illness she gives more comfort than anyone else, and that no friend, and sometimes not even a parent, can match the ease she brings. In the author’s words, a man has no friend in this world equal to her.

What does a wife give up when she marries?

On page 74, under “The wife’s sacrifice and her greatest quality”, Maulana Thanvi asks husbands to picture it from her side. Whatever she is like, she left her mother, her father and her wider family, and now her eyes are on her husband alone.

His conclusion is simple: decency itself demands that you do not hurt someone who has put her trust in you like this. The book adds that a wife usually stands with her husband even when he falls out with her own relatives, which makes unkindness toward her even harder to justify.

Is running a home really a form of service?

Under “The favours of a woman” (pp. 74–75), the book says that even if a wife did nothing except organise and look after the house, that would be a huge task. People who manage things in the world earn large salaries and respect, yet a wife’s management is rewarded only with food and maintenance.

He also points to mothers who raise children with great effort, and says a paid helper can never fully replace that. The lesson for husbands is to notice work that rarely gets thanked.

Is cooking compulsory for a wife?

On page 75 the author mentions a scholar who held that cooking is obligatory for women. Maulana Thanvi gives his own view: there is no evidence that it is wajib. He reasons from the verse about spouses (30:21), that wives were created so that husbands may find tranquillity in them, not simply to bake bread.

Why does a home fall apart without a wife?

On page 75, under “A home’s order cannot be right without a wife”, he writes from experience. A man can earn and bring the materials, but the shape of the household comes from women. He describes wealthy men who owned everything yet lacked comfort, because a cook is only an employee who may leave after one harsh word.

He adds that servants behave differently when the lady of the house is present, and that without her the home goes to ruin. For a family choosing a spouse, the point is that character and care matter far more than the size of the house.

How should a husband show that he values his wife?

From pages 73–74, the book’s main practical themes are these:

• Gratitude. Remember what she left behind and say thank you.
• Her rights. Her rights come from several qualities at once: she is vulnerable, she is a friend, and she helps protect your religion (p. 73).
• Gentleness. Do not hurt the one who trusts you, even when she is not perfect.
• Fair maintenance. Provide food and clothing generously, not grudgingly.

If you are still looking, wali-supported matchmaking lets families ask about character and values early, and you can get the Android app. Families in Pakistan can read about the halal rishta app in Pakistan.

For related teachings from the same book, see the purpose of nikah and how mahr works in Islam.

Frequently asked questions

Does Maulana Thanvi say a wife must cook? In this section he says there is no proof it is wajib for her, and that wives were created for tranquillity (30:21). Ask a scholar about your own household.

Why does the book stress a wife’s sacrifice? Because she leaves her own family for her husband, which is why he says harming her goes against basic decency.

Where can I read this? In Islami Shadi by Maulana Ashraf Ali Thanvi (Rahimahullah), Bab 2, pp. 72–75.